So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
