I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
