this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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