Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
