dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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