it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize