I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
