11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
