what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
