I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
