I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
