I think I am morally bankrupt
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
