I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I want to be your penis for a week.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Randomize
