i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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