he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
