This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
