The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
