Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
