i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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