that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
