i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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