Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize