i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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