I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize