Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
