why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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