You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
