sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
