A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
