after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
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The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
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Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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