Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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