We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
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