the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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