I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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