Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
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I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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