i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
