My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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