We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
