I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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