I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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