It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
