Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
they need to just BURY HIM!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
we're so committed to being not committed
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
