You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
