i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
