yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
