Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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