I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
NoShamevember. You game?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
