when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
