I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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