ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
