Got a toothbrush?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
