rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
