tell your sister to shave her snatch
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
