I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
