We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
