I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
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Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
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