The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
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I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
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Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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