are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
